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An Oscar Wrap Up As Opposed To Write-Up.

Of course there are Oscar reviews all over the web. Some critique the fashion, like my friends over at styledash and ...even npr! , some the speeches and some, even the ads.

Now, in my personal opinion, there just isn't that much to write about. The show seems to get increasingly respectable, making it more boring every year. A year of brilliant films, there really weren't any shockers or big disappointments when it came to the winners.

See the list of nominees and winners here.

There were some truly sweet and sincerely shocked acceptance speeches, including one in Spanish by Javier Bardem (you know, the guy who had the Prince Valiant haircut in No Country For Old Men). But really, nothing to write home about. So, in lieu of writing about what may have been ignored or sadly passed over, let's talk briefly about the rest -you know, the shallow stuff.

The Host:
I still believe that Jon Stewart is nothing short (sorry about the choice of words.. .. Mr. Stewart is only 5' 6.5" tall) of brilliant.

The Music
The music? Ugh. Thankfully the 3 songs from Enchanted were passed over for the Oscar. Frankly, I'd be happy to never hear another Alan Menken/Stephen Schwartz song again.

The Set Design
This is the 19th time that Roy Christopher has designed the Oscar set.
Guess what folks? Time for Roy Christopher to retire.

Above: Roy Christopher with his set design for the 2008 Oscars. He said he was going for "glamour"

I don't know why the giant Oscar Statuettes onstage were in enclosed frosted columns but it was so eighties sci-fi/ Coma-cum-cryogenic to me.

The Motion Graphics
I could not find who did the actual motion graphics for the categories and they ought to be thankful. What was with those motion graphics? They were soooo K-Tel, circa 1986.

The Dresses
Is our economy such that women can't afford enough fabric to make 2 sleeves?
It was a night of shoulder-baring fashion. Kind of a Farewell to Arm, if you will. Over 20 women sported the one-armed dress.

above left : The dress as it ought to have been worn; above right: Hilary Swank, having altered the original design to join the ubiquitous one shoulder trend.

above: Alien imposter and brilliant actress Tilda Swinton unconsciously reaching for her missing sleeve.

The Color Choices:
Way too much funereal black (Ellen Page, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Garner, Laura Linney in very dark navy, Hilary Swank, Penélope Cruz and Kristen Chenoweth).

And there was this odd kind of traffic light theme to me:

above left to right: Katherine Heigl as Stop, Kelly Preston as Slow and Amy Adams as Go.

Deep greens (Saoirse Ronan and Amy Adams, clearly inpired by Keira Knightley's green dress in Atonement). Blazing Reds (Katherine Heigl, Helen Mirren, Miley Cyrus, Ruby Dee, Anne Hathaway and Heidi Klum) and bright yellow (Kelly Preston ).

Most Blasé:

Above: Kerri Russell, Cameron Diaz and Renee Zellweger, all looked bizarrely washed out in their band-aid colored dresses.

Most Interesting Dress:

Above: The custom Jean Paul Gaultier (corrected for me by a reader, I initially credited John Galliano) fish scale gown donned by Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard

Most interesting dress on least interesting person:

Above: George Clooney's Vegas waitress girlfriend, Sara Larson.

The Men?
Hardly even worth talking about.
Looking appropriately arty? Daniel Day Lewis and Johnny Depp didn't disappoint. Looking more like Cary Grant every day, George Clooney still sets my heart palpitating.

But Viggo? Lose the beard...unless you're playing Moses. It adds an unnecessary 20 years to your face..

The Mess... I Mean, Hair:

above: I guess Cameron, Jennifer, Ellen and Renee's hair stylists took the night off.

Miscellaneous Observations
It's enough that hilarious and lovable Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill look like one another, but have you seen how much their dates look alike?

Now this is creepy:

Above: funnymen Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill clearly have the same taste in everything, including women.

An overly-botoxed Nicole Kidman whose upper lip hardly moved:

Get your fill of fabulous press shots by clicking here.

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