Perhaps you know someone who's feeling a little more "Bah, Humbug" than "What A Wonderful World" this holiday season. Wondering what to buy the bitter one in your life? Fret no more, I've got a fabulous list of gifts for Grinches that are affordable and may even put a smile on the face of the most ornery curmudgeon this holiday season.
The "Best Wishes" Middle Finger Key:
All brass and designed to fit all Kwikset K1 locks, this housekey by Goodworth & Co. is flipping the bird with double sided imagery.
Buy it here
Go Away Doormat:
Enough said.
buy the Go Away Black Coir Doormat
The Fuck Off Wax Sealing Stamp:
Instead of sealing envelopes with a kiss, how about with an expletive?
buy it here
Hey Asshole note pad/check list (in two versions):
Gotta leave a note for your roommate or co-worker? I love this notepad by Knock Knock with tons of bitter options. One version has everything in handwriting, the other in sans serif print.
Buy the handwritten version here
Buy the brown sans serif version here
Fuck The Rain Umbrella:
The digitally printed polyester umbrella from Art Lebedev is so bitter, it's even flipping off nature. Buy it here.
People I Want To Punch In The Face Journal:
From 27th Street press, this little notebook's title says it all. Gold foil stamped with a sentiment that most of us share at sometime or another. Blank pages.
Buy it here.
Anti-Social T-Shirts, Totebags, Mugs and More:
From the hilarious folks at Someecards, the "I Wish There Was A Social Networking Site Where Everyone Would Leave me The Fuck Alone" sentiment can be purchased on a variety of items. Shop for them here.
I Hate Everything and I Hate People Cross Stitch Patterns:
Buy the I Hate Everything pattern here
Buy the I Hate People pattern here
"You Are Dumb" coffee mug:
This porcelain coffee mug does double duty. Holds your java while telling everyone around you off. From The Onion, it has their logo on the back side.
Buy it here.
Indelicate Doilies:
Reusable packages of printed doilies by Knock Knock say things to your guests you wish you could.
Buy the Indelicate Doilies here
Fuck Off Calling Cards (pack of 20):
Let your cards say it for you.
Buy them here
Same Shit Different Day Desk Calendar:
This perpetual calendar will stand on a desk or add charm to any wall. The poignant theme is repeated relentlessly, throughout the year. The dates are blank so you can use this any year that you want to! Calendar page measures 7.5 inches tall x 6 inches wide.
Buy it here
Bitter Pens:
You'll need something to fill out the Hey Asshole and Same Shit Different Day Calendar with..so why not these appropriate pens by Knock Knock?
Buy them here
The Misanthrope's Guide to Life (Go Away!) by Meghan Rowland and Chris Turner-Neal:
Misanthrope, n.: 1.) One who hates mankind; a curmudgeon; a loner; 2.) The guy in your office who responded to your e-mail of baby photos with "D-. Passing, but not college material"; 3.) A Realist
Quiz yourself:
In this guide, you'll learn how to get away from the pain-in-the-asses who make you seriously consider investing in a fallout shelter and making it your new home. You'll take isolated comfort in these survival strategies, including how to:
• Conduct managed incoherence to get the delivery boy from the lobby to your door
• Take a "French leave" in order to eat alone at work
• Get ousted from your kickball league by dressing as Magnum, P.I. for every game
• Get back at the jerk yapping on his cell phone by reciting the lyrics to Harry Chapin's version of "Cat's in the Cradle"
• End a conversation by "Gwynething" (also known as playing the "I'm delightfully foreign" act) someone to death
This is the survival guide you will be annoyed not to have. Available in paperback or Kindle edition.
Buy The Misanthrope's Guide to Life (Go Away!)
I Hate Everyone by Matthew DiBenedetti:
This 400 page paperback redefines the term hater. Inspired by too many years in a life sucking corporate job, and supported by a deep groundwork of family, friends, relationships and real "life" in a dark corner of New Jersey; even cheerful optimists will commiserate with and come love to hate with author Matt DiBenedetti.
Sample pages:
It's true: Misery does love company. But what kind of company can you keep if you can't stand anyone? This kind. No matter who they are or what they do that sets you off and gets you going, you'll find 'em inside. From rich people who are dicks to guys named Rich who go by Dick to those who are always cold to people who are just hot, no one is safe. But one thing is certain—everyone will find someone they equally despise. And you're gonna love it, period.
Buy I Hate Everyone
And there you have it. 15 gift options to make a Grinch grin this holiday season.
